#41 It is a matter of perspective

I recall the precise moment I realised that people have different perspectives than me. I was approximately five years old and we were playing hide and seek.

I had chosen to "hide" under the table in the living room and when one of my parents (can't recall which one) came into the room, I couldn't see their face, but could see their legs. And it occurred to me: if I can see their legs and not their face, maybe THEY can see my legs and not my face? 

(Which of course they could).

Now, it is entirely possible that I've rewritten this memory but as I recall it, I come out from under the table and asked my parent if they could see my legs when I was "hidden" (very on brand for future Hannah). They confirmed that they could.

I thought: well sh!t! (or, more accurately, the kid equivalent thereof).

I recall this as being a somewhat profound realisation – what I see is not necessarily what other people see – it was like my understanding of the world got rather a lot bigger all of a sudden. I don't recall any subsequent realisations about the world hitting quite the same way as this early one did.

So this is an absurd story and I'm sure you're nodding along and kind of thinking "ha ha yeah, kids are hilarious when they think that they're hiding!"

Which is very true.

But also, why do you think you're immune from making these kinds of assumptions?

Now, I'm pretty sure you aren't getting paid to play hide and seek (and in the unlikely event that you were, I'm quite confident that you're aware that not being able to see an opponent's face is insufficient to verify that you're hidden), but ultimately, hide and seek is about understanding how your opponent sees the world, and taking action in response (which could actually include hiding if you have one of those stakeholders).

So, how are you making sure they can't see your legs? How are you making sure you understand their perspectives?

This is not a kid problem. We make assumptions about how someone else views their world/systems/process/tech/data every day. Sometimes informed by context, sometimes by our biases. And it's the latter that's problematic.

The world runs on assumptions

The world runs on assumptions. We couldn't operate as humans without leaning on patterns we've built up. Imagine waking up each day and having to figure out just what the heck clothes are, let alone plumbing. Would be nuts.

We rely on our patterns to shortcut thinking. To be able to respond quickly. To be able to do most things we like to do. We spend our day on auto-pilot, mentally pulling people and things into boxes.

It's funny that I'm writing about this because I literally pride myself on having excellent instinct about people (which is just another way of saying I think I'm good at sorting people into boxes).

I do this far more than I should. New architect? I'm working out which pattern you fit and then I'll monitor you from there. Change in management? I'll attend the all-hands just so I can put you in a box and then filter your comms through that lens. Interviewing someone? I will have made a call within the first three minutes and I'll actually be testing my theory for the remaining 42 minutes or so.

You know what? Most of the time I'm freaking spot on.

And then occasionally I am catastrophically wrong.

I wish I could tell you there's some nifty framework that'll enable you to both run fast and minimise risk, but honestly? There isn't. It annoyingly comes down to being careful – especially with people.

Because the person sitting across from you isn't your pattern of them. They're a whole human with their own perspective, their own table they're hiding under, their own version of what they can and can't see.

And your job is to do the best by them.

I have no point

I know, I know, this is the point in the Jimmy Brief where I'm meant to have a nice summary, a clever point, a smart conclusion, and yet I don't. I have Claude is suggesting all sorts of nonsense ways I can sign this off (they are all terrible suggestions) and yet I am beginning to think that the lack of point, might actually be the point.

This stuff doesn't have a nice solution wrapped up with a bow, it's the messy human stuff that never is quite as logical as it should be and for some reason is far more interesting than it has any right to be.

The very best I can offer you is this: next time you're internally giving yourself a high-five because your hunch about X, Y, or Z was on the money, just think:

Who can see my legs?

Because that's what I'll be doing.

As always, I would love to hear your thoughts on this (or anything else), so do reply to this email, DM me on LinkedIn, or send me a letter via pigeon. 

I cannot tell you how much I like hearing from y'all!

And until next time, stay excellent! 💖
Hannah

PS: Yes, I usually send these on Tuesday. But I simply ran out of time. Total failure. Sigh. Sometimes work just has to come first!